Absurdities (PG-13)

Florida Atlantic University President Mary Jane Saunders Accused of Striking Student Protester With Her Car

March 22, 2013

“At noon, students involved with Stop Owlcatraz– the movement to halt Florida Atlantic University’s naming of its stadium after private prison operator GEO Group — contacted New Times to report that student leader Britni Hiatt had been struck, though only slightly injured, by FAU President Mary Jane Saunders’ 2011 Lexus GS as Saunders was leaving a meeting today. “

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Canadian Prison Break: Two Prisoners Break Out of Quebec Prison and Hijack a Helicopter

March 17, 2013

“An hour after the escape, police found the helicopter 85km north-west of the jail in the Mont Tremblant area, with the uninjured pilot still on board. Police said they were looking for a “suspicious vehicle” and were focusing their search on the area around Lake Argile.”

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United States Ambassador Scolds Colleagues for Showing Up Drunk at United Nations Negotiations

March 5, 2013

“”On one occasion the note-taker who was meant to be recording the talks was so intoxicated he had to be replaced,” one unnamed diplomat told the press.”

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Fake News Report About Guantanamo Bay Prisoners Receiving GI Bill Benefits Tricks Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY)

February 20, 2013

“Wired reported that McConnell fell for a far-fetched story on The Duffel Blog, a parody news site with fake reports about the military.”

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Body of Canadian Woman Discovered in Water Tank of Cecil Hotel in Los Angeles

February 20, 2013

“The body of a Canadian woman had been discovered at the bottom of one of four cisterns on the roof of the historic hotel near Skid Row. The tanks provide water for hotel taps and would have been used by guests.”

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Police: 65 Year-Old Oklahoma Man May Have Died From Spontaneous Combustion

February 20, 2013

“He says the fire didn’t damage the house and there were no signs of struggle. “There was no damage to the furniture or anything around the fire, so it was a low heat fire,” he said.”

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Tennessee Man Quits Job after W-2 Tax Form with the Number ‘666’ on it

February 8, 2013

“”I cannot accept this number. If you accept that number, you sell your soul to the devil,” Slonopas told ABC News.”

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70 Year-Old Detroit High School Basketball Coach Shoots and Kills Teen in Attempted Robbery

February 7, 2013

“Police spokeswoman Officer Cassandra Lewis says assistant girls’ basketball coach Ernest Robinson was accosted by two males Friday evening, Feb. 1, while walking with two team members outside King High School.”

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Florida Man Arrested For Drunkenly Riding a Motorized Shopping Cart Around a Walmart With an Open Container

February 7, 2013

“Officers were called to the store Sunday night in reference to an intoxicated man. When officers arrived, they found Carr, 48, riding around in a motorized shopping cart, knocking items off the store shelves, the station reports.”

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Hashish Oil Extraction Lab Accidentally Explodes, Damaging a San Diego Hotel

January 30, 2013

“A 22-year-old man in the room suffered life-threatening injuries. Also hurt were a woman in the room and a young man staying next door, authorities said.”

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70 Year-Old Drunk Driver in Georgia Hits 17 Cars and Kills a Female Passenger in Another Car

January 25, 2013

“Snider, 70, is accused of hitting five vehicles in DeKalb County and at least 12 vehicles in Gwinnett County on the night of Jan. 23. He also allegedly crashed into the entrance of a restaurant.”

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Former Rep. Tom Tancredo (R-CO) Loses Bet, Agrees to Smoke Marijuana

January 24, 2013

“”Look, I made a bet with the producer of the film that if Amendment 64 passed (I did not think it would) that I would smoke pot,” he said through his research and education institute, the Rocky Mountain Foundation.”

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Ex-Priest Among 5 Arrested for Trafficking Methamphetamine

January 18, 2013

“Prosecutors say 61-year-old Kevin Wallin of Waterbury, Conn., a former pastor at St. Augustine’s parish in Bridgeport, received shipments of meth and sold the drugs to an undercover officer over the past four months.”

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Bolivian Lawmaker Caught on Camera Attempting to Rape a Colleague on the Parliament Floor

January 18, 2013

“Bolivian lawmaker Domingo Alcibia Rivera “was caught on camera allegedly raping a colleague on the Parliament floor on December 20th after an alcohol-fueled holiday luncheon. But until the video was leaked this week, the story was hushed up,” Jezebel reports.”

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Woman in Sweden Steals Train and Crashes into a Building

January 17, 2013

“A woman stole an empty commuter train from a depot Tuesday and drove it to a suburb of Stockholm where it derailed and slammed into an apartment building.”

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